Entry Two

Running late as usual, the Nadine and Beth met outside the CoffeeShack where they greeted each other with a loud scream and a big hug. ‘Here’s your jumper’ Beth said while handing her an oversized grey jumper out of her bag. Nadine sighed with relief ‘I was worried you’d forget but thanks! You’ve saved me’.

While the two grabbed their coffees and waited on their breakfast they grabbed a table where Nadine quickly put on her jumper and played with her hair again. ‘Can you see this bit of curly hair that doesn’t want to stay curly?’ she said in an annoyed tone of voice. Beth laughed and said ‘we’ll come to your hair in a minute. Right after you tell me what happened last night. One minute we were enjoying ourselves, throwing back a couple of shots and dancing then bang! Kevin appears and you disappear with him into the night’. Nadine took a second and smiled. ‘He did appear out of nowhere but I’m so glad we bumped into him’. Although she had a cab journey to collect all her thoughts together, she still couldn’t believe last night happened. The surprise left her in a zen-like state of mind.

‘Well Beth’ Nadine began to explain, ‘after we spoke for a bit, we decided to go back to his and catch up’.

‘Ha! Sure’ said Beth laughing, ‘catching up. We all know what that means’.

‘Haha, okay you’re right B. But with Kev it’s always going to be different for me. It was great seeing him and speaking to him. He filled me in on what he’s been doing for the past couple of months. It was after that and a few more glasses of wine when we began to make out. This time it was more passionate than anything I have felt before. The whole experience was filled with so much passion’ Nadine explained.

‘I’m glad you had your catch up with Kev but did you forget to mention something?’.

Nadine’s eyes popped open, ‘mention what?’.

‘More like mention someone’ explained Beth. ‘Did you not tell him about Anthony?’.

Nadine grabbed her coffee mug tightly and looked into her cup and with a shy, childlike voice said ‘No…’.

‘How do you think he’ll react if he knows about Tony? And why didn’t you mention him to Kev?’ Beth asked eager to find out.

‘I don’t know’ started Nadine. ‘I think I knew what direction we were heading and I didn’t want it to not happen. Plus me and Tony are still early days and I always end up losing touch with Kevin either way, so really… there was no need’.

Beth knew Nadine didn’t have cruel intentions and by no means was her aim to ever cheat on Antony with Kevin but she understood the concept of them just dating and it being early days for the two. There were not an official couple yet, which is why Beth let it slide on this occasion. ‘You never know’ she said. ‘This time Kev might stick around longer’. Nadine wished. Nothing would make her happier than knowing she was always in touch with Kevin. But giving the reality of their situation and circumstances, she was always ready to expect to hear from him once every blue moon.

‘I hate to brunch and bounce but I’ll have to be going’ Beth said. ‘I have a big meeting tomorrow morning and need to prepare a new presentation as my assistant accidentally deleted the original one. I also have a dinner date tonight with Daniel and his parents’. Beth was a marketing executive and worked all the time. She took pride in her job and knew she was really good at it. The pressure hit her that weekend with a big deal to close the following Monday and meeting the boyfriends parents for the first time.  ‘Yes that’s fine’ Nadine said while they both got up and were ready to leave the CoffeeShack. At the door the pair hugged and said their goodbyes. ‘Let me know how dinner goes tonight with the parents B’. ‘Definitely, I’ll be calling you right after as soon we leave the restaurant’. While making her way back home in yet another cab, Nadine received a text from Antony and Kevin at the same time. ‘Dinner tonight?’ asked Kevin and ‘Good morning beautiful’ said Antony.

Antony has the ability to bring up these feelings inside of Nadine that she never wants to let go off. He makes her feel happy, beautiful and confident. Nadine doesn’t have her life planned out as well and detailed as Beth does but she’s still trying to find her passion. For a while her passion was based on her photography and art work, but after two or three failed exhibitions she found her confidence shattered. While she was low and feeling uninspired, Antony walked into her life, lifting her up and inspiring her. He saved her when she thought there was nothing to be saved. Nadine works with several independent artists in her free time but to make ends meet, Nadine works as a teacher at a school for students who have been dismissed from mainstream education. Antony and her art work is her break from the real world.

Nadine thought about it for a minute and decided to text Antony back first, asking if he’s free tonight for dinner.

 

Sadness

I stopped hearing from you, and I got sad. But now even when I do hear from you, I remain sad. The sadness has never left my heart. Although I am waiting for it to leave and be replaced with happiness and joy, you bring a certain sadness into my life which I strangely desire. I desire you and the emotions you bring with you. The good and the bad. The heartbreaks and the breakdowns.

You have brought more downs than ups into my life but strangely, I see the ups but focus on the downs. The downs are what my emotions recognise but my vision is blurred with the ups. “Love is blind” would fit here, but I won’t believe love should hurt. Love should be easy. And keeps you at ease. Not with sadness.

I can not hate you for the sadness because it’s due to that sadness and yourself, which has build my confidence. While my confidence grew, my maturity level grew along side it. The ability to accept emotions and feelings was no longer a difficult task for me.

I can not hate you because you have allowed me to express emotions through creative angles. I can not hate you because I write this, about you. I can not hate you because you inspire me. I have left my comfort zone because of you. I can not hate you, simply because it’s you.

While you have taught me a lesson in life, I would normally say thank you but this time I won’t.

 

Nadz x

Short story; Entry One.

It took Nadine a while to wake up but when she eventually did, she looked as rough as her hangover. Her curly hair had frizzed up forming an Afro, her eye make up was fading leaving her with panda eyes and as for her lipstick, it looked as if she never wore any.
With struggle she turned to her right to find herself laying next to someone. Someone very familiar. It was a man she had previously loved. He was still asleep and topless like Nadine’ laying beside her. She looked over at him, thinking to herself “how did we get here?” But without hesitation she rolled over and wrapped her arms around his body, slowly laying her head next to his chest. Nadine felt safe, secure and familiar in his arms. She then felt Kevin’s arm on her back holding her in his arms. “Hey, good morning” he whispered with a husky tired morning voice. Nadine slightly melted as she heard his voice. For a while she had wanted to know what it’s like to wake up next to Kevin, and this morning her thought had become a reality. “Good morning” she whispered. He kissed her on her forehead and placed his hand on her head, stroking her hair and with one thumb, massaging her forehead where he had just kissed her.
“Crazy night, huh?” Said Kevin.
“Yes it was a well needed night not. Didn’t expect to end up seeing you though” said Nadine.
“I’m glad you did. It’s been a while”.
“Yeah you’re right. And it’s always nice seeing you.”
“Likewise Nadine.”

After the small talk Nadine felt as if it was her time to leave. She couldn’t exactly spend the whole day in Kevin’s bed, although she would jump at that opportunity. Just beside her on Kevin’s night stand her phone began to vibrate and blow up with voicemails and messages. They were all from her friend Beth, who she had gone out with the night before. While the plan was to have a girls night out and end up staying over at Beth’s it clearly didn’t end up like that. Nadine quickly messaged Beth back to let her know she’s at Kevin’s and she’ll meet her at their usual coffee shop in about 30 minutes. And to bring her a spare jumper to save her from the walk of shame she’ll have to make.
“Hey what you doing” Kevin said while putting his arms around Nadine, trying to pull her closer to him. She gave him a shy chuckle, “oh nothing, I was just messaging Beth back. Guess she got a bit worried”. “Nothing to be worried about” he said “you were with me”, he again kisses her on her forehead.
Nadine yet again melted. He knew that was her soft spot and she would be like putty in his hands with one small peck on her forehead. But Kevin was right, as long as she was with him, there really wasn’t anything to be worried about. They do have history she thought. Nadine layed back into Kevin’s arms and thought about their history. They had briefly dated a while back, meaning two years ago, but things never seem to work out for them. Time was never on their side and job opportunities and travels were their barriers as well. Although she never stopped loving him, she never admitted it to him or herself for that matter. They had dated other people while they weren’t together but their bond and chemistry remained. The most shocking part for Nadine was that they slept together, two years after they started dating. She had never partook in an one night stand but last night she did. But Nadine felt far from ashamed or embarrassed. She felt loved and closer to Kevin than ever. Their experience last night wasn’t just rough meaningless sex but it was deep, loving passion between two lovers. Their bodies closer than ever, so intense and intimate it was all she could have thought it would have been with him. Although she wanted to stay in his arms all day she had to leave as Beth text her back saying she’s on her way to meet her. Nadine looked over at Kevin, gave him three pecks on his lips and said she has to go. He understood and got out of bed as well and left his bedroom so she can get changed. As Nadine rushed to put her clothes back on, she looked at herself in the mirror and analysed herself. “What is going on with my hair?” She questioned as she played with her aiming to put it back in place but her curls were headed in every opposite direction. While she tries to put everything back in her handbag and get a cab to meet Beth, Kevin walks in the room wearing grey sweatpants and handed her a single toothbrush packet. “I know you’re a bit OCD and would want to brush your teeth and wash your face properly rather than mouth wash” he said laughing. She looked up at him smiling, “you know me so well don’t you”. They both laughed.
Nadine jumped into the bathroom, washed up and reapplied some make up to make her look better than her hangover. She definitely needed a big cup of coffee.
As she walked out the bathroom Kevin offered to make breakfast but she kindly declined “I have a couple of things to do today, we can have breakfast an other time Kev”. He seemed disappointed that Nadine didn’t stay but he understood. Due to their history he also didn’t know where he stood or what was appropriate to say. Even to Kevin, this one night with Nadine meant a lot to him and was as unexpected to him as it was to her. But he didn’t want to come off too strong and put her off. He walked her to the door, hugged her and kissed her on her cheek. “Can we catch up later maybe?” He asked. “Yes. Definitely.” Nadine said without thinking twice. Her phone buzzed and her cab was waiting now. She gave Kevin her signature three pecks on his lips and walked to the lift. The second she stepped into the cab her phone buzzed again, it was Beth saying she’s running a bit late. Which was great because Nadine was going to be late herself.

To Bess

I want to make great memories with great people. That is a goal. And I feel like I have already accomplished that. The people who are in my life now, the way they’ve entered my life one way or an other, have all had an impact on me. While most of them don’t know it, they’ve left their unique mark, unique footprint in my life and I can never forget that. The way I’ve met people and the memories I have made with them. Unforgettable. 

I could never wish to change anything. No regrets. Each person, whether they have caused me heart breaks or have made my heart flutter, I love them all dearly. While some I have known for years and others just months, I can not appreciate you any more than I already do. 

The ones I have known for years, have been with me trough many, many ups and downs. They have been there for all the highs and lows. I have been able to convide in them about anything and nothing. Long phone calls at crazy hours of the day about any issue. May they be major life changing topics or tedious matters. I can never forget those or under appreciate them. I’m talking about my best friend. She’s been through many things herself and has on top of that taking my own bullshit to be hers. While she has my back I have hers. 

Regardless of the amount of years we’ve been at this, nothing has changed. She is the person I can share my blog with, show my paintings and my photography and share my insecurities with. I know she will never use any of them against me. This is a level of trust I can never explain. I wish for every person out there to have someone like her. The one that holds me down whenever. The one that lifts me up when I’m down. May I call her with a work issue or even just an issue of “oh my God I have a date and I don’t know what to wear!”. No one has ever supported me like this. 

At some point friends cross the line. And that line is the family line. Where they have broken the barrier and have shown me what true friendship and family is. Loyalty, love and respect. And as she can tell you this herself, I am not the most emotional person. I don’t like to show my feelings. And whether or not I show them, she always knows. She always knows when I’m down or when I’m up. Purely because I can share those moments with her. 

So from the bottom of my heart, I want to say thank you and I love you. You have made me, me. You have help me build into the person I am today. And I can safely, and happily say I am happy where I am and you have helped me come to this stage. I can never explain my gratitude and appreciate. Just know that while you have done all this for me, I hope I have done even half the same for you. You are my rock and I hope I’ve been yours. I wish you nothing but the best because you are the most kind hearted person I have ever met, and will meet. I wish you the happy fairytale ending of a happy life style. The happy mother ( cause Lord knows you’ve mothered us all! ). But while you care for all of us, I hope you know we all care for you too. While you’re down, me and all our friends are here for you. We all want to bring you up when you’re down. We all want to be as happy as you can be. We all want to see you strive and become even more independent, strong and self assertive. 

From the bottom of my heart, we all love you dearly. You are my family. 
Nadz x

Dead Prez

So lately I’ve been so busy with working full time AND part time but I’ve made time to pick up a hobby. And guess what it is! It’s photography guys. Exciting days. Below I’ve posted a few little snaps I’ve taken of London, but recently I went to see one of my favourite rap duos, Dead Prez in Shoreditch. Second time round and it was still amazing! 
Nadz 

PS. Pictures are taken on my iPhone and excuse some of them. They’re not all of best quality.

   
    
    
    
    
    
    
 

Patience.

‘Good things come to those who wait’. Right? I’m a very impatient person, I don’t have the patience to wait for good things to happen. My philosophy is that good things come to those who work hard. You know, that Wiz Khalifa ‘Work Hard Play Hard’ motivation (always drop in a hip-hop reference). 

I’m a bit of an oxymoron. I love being lazy, chilling, doing nothing but at the same time I love keeping busy with either work or small activities such as going out. Because I stay motivated and work hard, it sometimes bothers me when someone tells me to wait for something good to come along. The thought alone makes me *sigh*. I don’t have the patience guys! I don’t want to wait. I’m that friend that likes to plan things way ahead of time. For example, its Wednesday today and I’ve made plans for Saturday with my brother. Yesterday I started planning things from where to go, what time to meet up and what places are ideal before a certain time. Slightly OCD? Yes maybe with a hint of impatience. 

While being self motivated is never a bad thing, I have to adjust my impatience and become flexible with waiting a bit. I’m not saying I’ll be that person who stays at home and waits for a call back from a job or from a guy. But I will keep myself busy while I wait for something new. Have commitments and no commitments at the same time. Be free to do what you like until you find your passion. Until you find your passion, you’re free from making commitments to whatever but always be patient when waiting for your passion. Not everyone’s passion comes to them overnight, it may take some longer than others and that’s not a bad thing. That just means that you are made for experiencing a few more things in the mean time. I love Sociology and my passion is to become a teacher, but while waiting for my opportunity I won’t decline any other opportunities.

I’m also starting to accept that certain things in life need to run its course, I need to wait for things to start and end. I don’t have the power to rush anything. This is where faith comes in. I always believe that when something doesn’t work out for me, it just wasn’t meant to be. It was never written for me. And that’s okay. There is a greater plan and what obstacle is currently in my way won’t be there forever. May it be present for a while, that means that there is a lesson for me to learn from. I can’t always get my way and I’m old and mature enough to accept that.

All in all, good things come to those who work hard and remain patient for bigger and better things that is planned for them.   

Love,
Nadz x